V1222 Michael Keefer
Where do I start… Seldom do I face a page that needs my own words, my own experiences and my own thoughts. Where to begin… Dragging through I am facing forward but cannot see the light. Where am I going? I feel lost. I currently work for a company where every day is anxiety based and a stressful nightmare. Home is not much better either I’m afraid. I live far away from family and do not get to see them often. I miss them as the people they are. I miss the safety and the love. I have a friend at home but we argue more than enjoy each other. The constant negativity drives me away from that space mentally. I am at a point where something is going to give. I am alone although there are people around me. Wake up, work, home, sleep. At this point, only my dreams are a place of rest. What do I have going for me? Not much. I have waited, I have fought, I have chased, and I have sought. I did not find the crack where happiness lies. I am feeling mentally unstable. Something is going to happen. Something has to happen. My hear is growing and now I wait. I have waited for years but not with this sternness. I don’t have much longer. Things are creeping in. Thoughts, feelings and sometimes something dark. I keep my distance, but I can feel it consuming me. Feeding from my anguishes. It’s growing stronger. Maybe the end is once it consumes me. I have been out of my body for so long. I seldom notice that I am not here. I need to return but it’s not a nice place to be. This makes it hard to stay. Another Job? No thank you. It has gotten past that point. I am afraid not much can reverse the path that has been created. I don’t know what is coming but it’s big. Should I be afraid or embrace it? Either way, it will be the end of me as I am. Maybe a shell will remain, maybe an asylum is my claim. Or perhaps the other side. Perhaps I should embrace the path and walk it hastily. Will I find what I am looking for, or will I end up with those who have been luring me. It is indeed a frightful place but yet a sense of familiarity surrounds it. A place of birth or death? Maybe something in between. I know I was created there. The person I am today. It still envelops me and calls me home. The reason I do not know.
We are here for you, buddy.