But be warned. The dealer is fucking angry.
He is angry because, in his words, you “incarcerated” his car. You parked in a spot that was technically an available spot, but because your spot and his were both in the far corner of the lot, and are at right angles to each other, there is no room for him to pull his 2008 Buick Enclave out of its spot if someone also parks in the spot you parked in. While the fault technically lies with the designer of the parking lot, who failed to foresee this inherent design flaw, I think you will agree the dealer has every right to be mad. Now let’s hear what the dealer has to say:
OK, it’s basically like blackjack but more. You see some of my tiles but not all, and you have to see if you can beat that without going over. But also see if you can get 20 consonants without getting 5 vowels. No, 5 vowels without hitting 20 consonants, then I’ll let you off the hook for incarcerating my damn car. I mean without hitting 20 tiles total. I think. Yes. But 20 tiles without getting 5 vowels and I’ll shoot you right here and now. M’kay? Asshole.
Dealer’s score: ?
Uh
Your score:
Dealer’s score:
Let us hear what the dealer has to say:
Can you please just move your fucking car. You literally incarcerated my car dude.
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The lively original
Single player
The high-stakes sequel
Single player
Head-to-head 60-second time trial
Multiplayer
Chumbles for minimalists
Single player
This is a game about overcoming a broken family,
and bouncing so fuckin’ big you wouldn’t believe it.
It is not for the faint of heart.
It is for the big of bounce.
A Game of Bravery
You are "Flabby" Domp Briff, a hard-working 18th century oat miner from Calcutta.
You’re on your way home from the oat mines late one Friday night, on your way to The Container Store where you’re picking up a small container for your ailing aunt, notorious mass-murderer the Hon. Rev. Dr. Aunt Agatha Christie (no relation to the author)...
...when suddenly you come across some Stanklings that are threatening to ruin your day! Those nasty little gray balls of filth are threatening to eat your leg down to the bone if you don’t act fast!
Avoid the Stanklings at all cost while picking up your prescription, and for bonus points, try to drop as many doors as possible!
The Hon. Rev. Dr. Aunt Agatha Christie is counting on you!
Thanks for playing Flabby Domp
©2020 Vanderstank Family of Universal Cosmic Knowledge in partnership with the Chumbles Game Manufacturing Corporation and CLASCO, Ltd. This game and the artificial intelligence engine that powers it are the sole intellectual property of the Vanderstank Family of Universal Cosmic Knowledge, and any unauthorized reproduction is punishable by hanging
Your turn!
Vanderstank Family Members are encouraged to report any incidents of heretical or unethical behavior they may come across.
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Timeframe:
Polygon:
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To analyze specific dates or times, enter them here:
Date:
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Vanderthanks to Family Member V0718, who helped discover the trigonometric representation:
where n is the number of sides in the n-gon you are studying, and x is the number of days through the year, or hours through the day. This wave, wrapped into a circle after n cycles for any given n-gon, give us the polygonal patterns we know and love. Whoa!
Scripture Reference: Book of Tools, Chapter 2
"Time is an illusion. Lunchtime, doubly so." — Douglas Adams
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While VanderstankOS has industry-standard protection against viruses, it is unfortunately prone to curses and spite due to its highly spiritually charged nature, as well as excess dry skin around the edges due to a congenital skin condition. Vandersplunge is our patented combination antivirus-anticurse-exfoliation process designed to keep your copy of VanderstankOS in mint condition with regular use.
My son’s at the doctor. I think it’s because of those dang vapes.
Anyway, the ball don’t always do what y’expect, and yer paddle size might change. That’s life, kid.
Yer paddle’s on the right. It’ll follow yer mouse, or yer cute lil finger if you got one a them smertphones.
I hope my son ain’t popcorn lung
Absurdity: 0
FUCK!
Your score:
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Song | Artist | Album | Genre |
---|---|---|---|
Mrs. N | Purple Juda | Rise of the Dough | Purple |
Vanderthanks | Purple Juda | Vanderthanks (single) | Gospel |
My Day on the Moon | Henry David Floyd | My Day on the Moon | Abstract |
Ommadawn, Pt. 1 | Mike Oldfield | Ommadawn | Instrumental |
[redacted] | [redacted] | ||
Hello | |||
The Nothing Show | Idiot Flesh | The Nothing Show | none |
At First Glance | Kohwi | AAURAL II | Bells and stuff |
PSS-140 | Yamaha | Generational Trauma |
And there shall come a day when the Future Generations, steeped in the glittering marvels of their craft, shall create a Great Symbol that shall stop all that comes in its tracks and quilts the world in a great pervasive silence, and it shall be a coin of three sides, and it shall be beautiful.
—Book of Vanderstank, Book of Tools Chapter 7
There are not many things in this world that are more important than music, but this is one of them. Please spread the word on social media—all pause buttons should have three sides.
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