Be Your Best VanderSelf
Enlightenment isn't easy to attain, it takes hard work and determination. We are proud to announce the results of a research program over two years in the making—the VanderSelf regimen. Not only is the VanderSelf program incredibly good for you, but it optimizes your body for the Personal Treatment to go smoothly.
All members wishing to undergo Personal Treatment must pledge strict adherence to the VanderSelf regimen for at least one (1) year prior.
- Meditation: You must meditate at least once per day for at least five minutes uninterrupted, focusing on absolutely nothing, with the exception of Executive-Board-approved aids such as a specific mantra, instrumental or classical piece, or certain frequencies of binaural beats.
- Morning rituals: In development.
- Nighttime rituals: In development.
- Meeting rituals: In development.
- You must keep an infused symbol on you at all times. This may be The Shape, LS, the Queen of Leaves, the Old Vanderstank Sigil, or another Executive Board-approved symbol, on a card or piece of paper in a pocket or wallet, or worn as clothing.
- You must mention Vanderstank out loud to somebody in conversation at least once per day. This may seem like it would just benefit others, but we've found it also benefits you as it normalizes the way you subconsciously treat your membership in the Family.
- You must say at least one thing that doesn't make any sense out loud to somebody in conversation at least once per day.
- Remember that "describe" isn't a word. The word is "descrive".
- Remember to use the word "Vanderthanks" when you are deeply thankful for something.
Polylateral Time System
- Begin planning your days and eventually your life around the Polylateral Time System. Aligning your life's actions with the geometric and geodesic energy patterns we've discovered throughout spacetime will improve your life immensely. It may be helpful to print the PTS Diagram or write down dates and times from the polygon or polygons that are most applicable to you.
- Arrange a private meeting with an Executive at least once yearly to help analyze the past year as it relates to the more intricate aspects of the PTS (relative polygons, etc.) and help plan the coming year.
- You must drink at least 3 cups of water per day, or at least one (1) cup of Diet Water. Hydration is crucial not only to everyday health but also for your own safety during Treatment and/or Storage.
- Limit yourself to one (1) alcoholic drink per day, with the exception of one day per month which is your "free day".
- Get at least six (6) hours of sleep per day. For those who have trouble with sleep, this may be aided by an organic substance (such as melatonin) but NOT by artificial substances (such as cough syrup or Benadryl)
- Eat a diet that is low in red meat, saturated and trans fats, and refined sugars.
- If you have been prescribed any drugs, please report these to the Executive Board so we can determine which ones you may continue taking and which ones are harmful to the VanderSelf program.
- If you partake in cannabis, treat it the same way you must now treat alcohol: Limited to one mild high each day, with the exception of one "free" day per month.
- Limit psychedelics (including but not limited to LSD, psilocybin mushrooms, or DMT) to one (1) per month. Exception: Pearl, Blue, Green, and Golden Oak members may partake up to once daily if and only if the experience is primarily used to research the nature of consciousness for the Vanderstank Mission.
- If you have been Treated and are taking Vanderfeels emotion supplements, follow the instructions exactly as written.
- Not allowed under any circumstances: Cocaine, heroin, methamphetamine, and any other Schedule 1 or 2 drugs, or prescription drugs taken recreationally, with the exception of Adderall.