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VanderstankLife Home Products

Make your home worth living in! At VanderstankLife, we've crafted a full line of products, from furniture, home decor, and miscellaneous home and family items that you never knew you needed! Explore our highly creative and somewhat usable products below.

Standing Bed for Standing

For years, humans have slept lying down. Do you really want to be like them? Luckily, you don't have to be! With the Vanderstank Standing Bed for Standing, you can join the growing number of people using the groundbreaking technique of sleep-standing! Standing while you sleep has been proven to elevate the head above the rest of the body, and several studies suggest that sleeping while standing up can have various effects on the body! Join the crowds—stand up for your standing rights to standing, with the Standing Bed for Standing! For best results, operate by hand.

800,000 VP

Standing Bed for Chair-Like Uses

If the Vanderstank Standing Bed for Standing leaves you feeling left out, worry not! We've innovated even further, bringing you a specialized model of the Standing Bed for chair-like uses! The Standing Bed for Chair-Like Use allows you, the valued customer, to operate the bed designed for standing while sitting or engaging in other furniture-related activities! Live the dream—sleep while standing while sitting.

800,000 VP

Standing Chair for Standing

Picture your average, boring family sitting down to eat at the dinner table. How can you spice things up for your family meals? It's easy, with the Standing Chair for Standing! Our premium table and chair sets with chairs designed to be stood on will forever change the way you think about your furniture! Is it necessary? No, but who cares? Not us!

50,000 VP

Laying Chair for Laying

If you enjoyed our Standing Chair for Standing, but want something even more avant-garde and pointless, try our experimental new Laying Chair for Laying! Experience a happy, talkative dinner with the family while laying almost completely flat and trying to tip food into your mouth from an uncomfortably creative new angle! Trust us, you'll feel the difference! Disclaimer: Difference may not be good

50,000 VP

Standing Chair for Laying While Sleep-Standing While Laying in Chair-Like Positions

Just try it. Trust us.

850,000 VP

The Sit n' Shit™

Have you ever wondered what it would be like if someone designed a chair just for the purpose of going to the bathroom? Our fans have been asking us this for a long time, and guess what? "The shit has hit the fans!™" Using patented seat-hole technology, and a built-in stool to raise your feet to the perfect angle for your favorite defecation style, never fear again with the Vanderstank Sit n' Shit!

20,000 VP

Skytongue Cigars

Our specialty medium-bodied cigar, crafted personally by Executive Vice President Phelix McGraw Jordanesque Cornflakes "The Sliding Skytongue" Hemmitt. Every third package includes one novelty exploding cigar, totally unmarked and with no warning!

15,000 VP/box

The Official Vanderstank Book of Help, Mating Relations, Carpentry, and How to Raise Feral Cats

This juicy tell-all book, written by Executive Vice President Phelix McGraw Jordanesque Cornflakes "The Sliding Skytongue" Hemmitt, is a complete knowledge hub and advice catalogue for use during one's ascent up the Vanderstank ladder, earning Vanderstank badges, preparing for your Personal Treatment, improving your woodworking skills, intimdate bedroom advice, and raising and militarizing herds of cats.

50,000 VP

Inflatable Playing Cards

Screw your plain, flat playing cards. What fun are those? You probably folded in every single round of poker you ever played, you pansy. Man up with Vanderstank's all-new inflatable playing cards. With the help of an industrial air compressor, our playing cards inflate to over a foot thick, making your pathetic game of child's war into a fierce and futuristic battle of the wits! For an even more intense experience, next year we'll be launching our new Inflatable Playing Cards XL, which inflate to over 3 feet thick! Try playing your shitty kid's games with these, asshole!

20,000 VP

Collapsible Thumbtacks

Is your collection of thumbtacks taking up too much space in your drawer or cabinet? Why are you even collecting thumbtacks? Oh well, it couldn't hurt to try our all-new collapsible thumbtacks! When you're done using them, you can fold them up to half their size to better fit your weird, cramped thumbtack storage area. And the next time you want to use them, just squeeze and pull to activate the spring-loaded fold-out technology! Worried that the spring-loaded action will cause an injury? Nobody cares, and your mother never loved you!

20,000 VP

Solar-Powered Shampoo & Conditioner

Today's world is increasingly eco-friendly, and we are happy to do our part as well. Our new line of shampoo, conditioner, and other body wash products are solar-powered, and we even have a hybrid option available. Simply set up the included solar panel in your bathroom window, run the power cord directly into the shower, and have yourself a nice eco-friendly wash.

100,000 VP

Stank Cologne

Vanderstank is proud to introduce the latest product to make your life better: the best cologne in the world. We call it simply: Stank™, by Vanderstank. We start with the delicate scents of strawberry, worn leather, bacon grease, a New York subway station, and Play-Doh. To that we infuse essence of coconut, essence of house paint, and the melted remains of a cassette tape. Lastly, we add bone of the father (unknowingly given), flesh of the servant (willingly given), and blood of the enemy (forcibly taken). Be the first of your friends to reserve some Stank™ for yourself.

850,000 VP

Sideways Fireworks

The Fourth of July comes and goes, and every year we see the same old fireworks that shoot up into the sky and explode. Why not do it differently? Our latest innovation is a fireworks set that you shoot sideways along the ground! For best results, use in an area with no people, grass, plant life, or things of any kind.

100,000 VP

Electronic Cardboard Box

Everyone's got something creepy packed away in cardboard boxes somewhere in or under your house. Why not treat that creepy something like royalty, and store them in our all-new Electronic Cardboard Boxes? Each box takes 4 six-volt batteries, and maintains a steady state of cardboard for as long as you need that creepy something to be stored. For best results, please keep boxes away from air.

15,000 VP

Posterior-Operated Camera Remote

You're just about ready to film yourself reading a book, your camera on the table, the book in your hand... when suddenly you realize you have to get up again and press that god damn button on that god damn camera! Avoid the ensuing catastrophic meltdowns and all related property damage by installing a Vanderstank Posterior Camera Remote! With a design patented by our old partner Jon Howe Studios, our premium-cut, free-range camera remotes are finely tuned to work with all shapes and sizes of human bottoms, bringing you the ease of sitting down combined with the efficiency of sitting down. Hint: this product goes great with the Vanderstank Standing Bed for Chair-Like Use!

20,000 VP