Vanderstank logo

VanderstankEats Luxury Food and Spirits

Our food services team has come up with the uncomfortably creative new foods and drinks that will keep you coming back for more and more until the day you die.

TaterAde

Try the new energy drink taking the market by storm! So long Gatorade, say hello to TaterAde! Mix it yourself—simply add two cups of mashed potatoes to our patented plastic bottle, and you have the perfect thirst quencher to keep you going for mile after mile after mile!

15,000 VP

Diet Water

Trying to keep those pesky pounds off your middle? Take the next step with our new Diet Water thirst quencher! It's just like the water you already drink, but with no calories, no fat, no cholesterol, and no currently identifiable diseases! Water is good, but Vanderstank Diet Water is great.

15,000 VP

Disposable Bacon

Admit it—we all love bacon! But aren't you worried by bacon's high calorie and fat content, the stress of cooking it, and the trouble of cleaning it up? We have the answer! Our new Disposable Bacon is designed so that it can be immediately thrown out, thus avoiding any weight gain or cleanup hassle! For those wishing to reuse our Disposable Bacon before disposing of it, it's dishwasher and microwave safe, too.

15,000 VP

e-Watermelon

Do you love the delectable taste and watery crunch of watermelon, but don't have the time or space to be carrying one around all the time? Are you tired of your personal watermelon being confiscated and/or destroyed? Fear no more, with Vanderstank' new eWatermelon, a portable electronic watermelon that fits in your pocket, stays charged for days and days, and has none of the benefits or drawbacks of a real watermelon! Our crack team of engineers have designed a highly portable and versatile product that uses electricity wisely, and never goes bad!

25,000 VP

Scratch 'n Sniff Dinners

That's right, Vanderstank Industries is preparing a series of ready-to-eat dinner dishes that actually smell like dinner when you scratch them! Scratch your roast beef—it smells like roast beef! Scratch your ice water—it really smalls like ice water! Scratch n' Sniff Dinners will be available soon from your local supermarkets.

30,000 VP

Stuffed-Crust Orange Juice

Sometimes you just need that extra kick in the morning. Why bore yourself to death with a glass of regular old orange juice, when you could Go Stuff Yourself™? Vanderstank has perfected the art of creating a bottle of orange juice with a savory cheese-filled crust.

20,000 VP

Vanderstank Spirits

Did you think Vanderstank was just for cheap, everyday food? Well, here's a sincere "fuck you" for not thinking more highly of us. Case in point: Vanderstank introduces a brand new collection of premium wines and spirits, in such innovative new flavors as Spicy Italian and Steak & Cheese. Enjoy a glass of Vanderstank™ champagne this New Years Eve while appreciating the delicate aromas of smoked ham and provolone cheese.

30,000 VP